What? Well my mate’s a psychologist and she thinks I’ve got it and it’s hereditary so it must’ve come from you!
Now I know how it must feel to “come out” now…
IF I publish this and it’s a big IF it basically means I’ll never work again, people will think I’m mentally ill and people will use this to define me.
Let me tell you my story… When my daughter said this to me I didn’t even know what ADHD was so I googled it.
It was about the kids at at school who were troublesome and disrupted classes and were considered “a bit thick”. Not me, top set student, prefect, house captain, football star, athletics star. Teachers pet. As a black boy. In an all white Grammar School. In the 70s. Nope. Not me.
It was people who couldn’t hold down a job. Er, thirty years in law enforcement. Definitely not me.
Impulsive.. Well yes, but aren’t we all
Disorganised. Guilty as charged.
Poor time management skills. I suppose. But I’m rarely late, it’s just that things are always on the last minute, always have been…
Anyway, once I dug deeper than the existing stereotypes I started ticking more and more boxes noteably;
Financial problems
Unstable relationships
Hot temper. Yes and No. It takes a lot for me to go but when it does….
So there may be something in this but I’m fine, I’m doing ok. Kind of laughed it off. I decided to do one of the online tests for ADHD, in the presence of my wife and step daughter. Thought it’d be fun. Turned out it was a bit embarrassing to be honest. I aced the test, but not in a good way. The test said I was ADHD and on my way through the tests wife and step daughter chimed in with lots of “OMG”, ” “ahh’s” and full blown laughter.
So I might have ADHD, so what? I wasn’t suffering from it was I? Well actually, yes I was. Since I retired in 2012 I’ve been a bit, how can I put this?
A Bit Shit.
You see, prior to then I had literally good at anything and everything I did. In my career I made it into every elite unit and squad there was, I worked and lived in various countries, had adventures that would rival anything you’ll watch on TV, met and worked with important people on important matters and was basically Living The Dream.
Then I decided to retire. And become normal. I wasn’t very good at normal. I was A Bit Shit. Which is why I can have a blog helping people have the best retirement. I’ve made ALL THE MISTAKES SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO. But back to ADHD. In fact no, let’s go back a bit. I looked back at my retirement and before that , my career and realised how lucky I’d been to have a career that I was designed to do; something different every day, dangerous, mentally and physically challenging, perfect for someone like me. Of course now, looking back the traits were there, disorganised, poor admin but I, and indeed most people I worked with and for overlooked it because of my ability give my all to put bad guys in prison.
One thing I’ve always been able to do though is self reflect and self improve. So I decided that if the reason I was A Bit Shit was that my ADHD wasn’t being fed with enough dopamine in normal life, maybe treatment might help.
Getting help ain’t easy. The waiting list on the NHS (the UK has free medical care if you’re from overseas but thanks for reading) was…drum roll please…SIX YEARS. I’ll say that again SIX YEARS. I was 60, I’d be 66 before I could even get tested for a diagnosis. Disgusting. Not for me but for all those people for whom ADHD has made them break the law, go to prison, abuse drugs and alcohol, broken relationship all that peripheral damage to the public, friends and family.
I’m lucky, I could afford a private diagnosis and treatment. I thought. Private treatment is very costly. Too costly. A quick jump on my soap box. Private medicine is a business and they’ve jumped on issues such as mental health for a quick and easy income. They really do lack integrity. Shame on them. But they won’t be, they’ll be rich and supported by a government that WAS based on the rich feeding off the poor, desperate and needy. Let’s hope the new government makes them provide more value. Rant over.
Anyway I paid for someone with a laptop to ask me a set of questions which were the same as I had answered online. £1000 please. Oh, and you have ADHD.
High functioning ADHD.
Why come out now, aged 62 you may ask. Well, and thanks for asking, today I am doing a Dopamine Fast. That means I have to avoid all sources of dopamine e.g. social media, music, internet scrolling, sugar, alcohol, caffeine even the cold showers which gave me a free dopamine hit. The thinking is that by fasting from dopamine it will reset and my dopamine needs will come down to the levels of you normal people. This could mean that doing household chores, doing DIY and gardening will make me happy and contented.
I hope not.
If this strikes a chord let me know and I’ll write about the Medication and how to get it aka Titration.